"Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sa'yo, hayaan mo lang. Malay mo sa mga
susunod na araw, ayaw mo na din sa kanya. Naunahan ka lang." - Bob Ong
Monday, October 6, 2008
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[Repeat] On Depression: A Letter To A Friend
This is a repeated article originally posted on 1/24/04 on the prustrations blog. I do not necessarily have the same views, beliefs, and ideas from years back.
Working so hard, giving 100% of your time and effort, sacrificing personal life but not getting appreciated to the point of feeling inexistent? Been there, done that! Getting a lot of backstabbing from the people you least expect to do that? Oh I've been there, and I've done that! From, even during my fragile, less-mature days while in high school and during college... to just last year, when things went one way when I was almost absolutely sure it would go another way.
Hey! Being depressed, or feeling "down na down", and very disappointed is not good for your health!
I've been there before... I myself have even considered suicide. Thank God, but somehow, I was brought up to have just a little more faith in my system that was enough to bring me here to where I am right now. But I am not yet complete when it comes to faith. There are still these things about me, things I do or think, that show that I myself have a lot to improve on. But, over the course of time, I have learned one important lesson.
To have more trust and faith in the LORD. After all, after a time of trials comes a time for joy.
To do that, we'll have to be ready for change! We've heard of the answer before: we can't change others, only ourselves.
We could change our attitude towards things and others, and that goes first. It doesn't seem easy, and it takes a lot of mental strength. [(Filipino) women are somehow better than most (Filipino) men!] So, while for you, it might be hard, for me and a lot of other people, men and even women alike, it will be much harder! It's not impossible... :-)
Also, it's always healthy to think and act positively! And it's always a good medicine for depression. It requires quite a lot of change in our systems. It's not easy! So we'll also need friends or our immediate community, who know and share the same goals, ideals, and principles as us, to support us and/or guide us!
And prayers---they are always good! You might be one of millions who offered your prayers and your big and simple sacrifices to Him through the feast of the Black Nazarene, held at Quiapo early this year. That's great! It's one step in the right direction! We can also talk to Him in the comfort of our own home, and in the comfort of our own time, like during lunch break, perhaps, or during our trip to the restroom...
So what if you are, like someone I know, "trapped" inside a job or place or environment from which you just can't grow, because there's no more space to grow (like you don't have time for other "healthier" things, and people around you most of the time are your greatest critics)? Get out of that trap! The universe is huge, there are many more places to go!
Yes, by now, you could probably predict what I'm about to say: I've been there, done that. How did I do it? Well, in simple terms, I thought that... If I'm in a situation that's really bad and yet somehow I needed to be there, could it become worse if I did something else? If I choose Option B instead of sticking to Option A, may be I wouldn't get the same things that I used to get out of Option A, but may be I would feel better and more productive if I choose Option B! I would have to change my attitude though, towards those things I needed that Option A provided. Maybe I didn't really need them at all. I mean, if my apartment rental costs me half my whole months' salary, maybe I didn't need to stay in that apartment!
What if Option B proves to be worse? There's still Option C! What if I've come to Option Z, and it still isn't what I wanted? Uh-oh, wait a minute, I know where things could have gone wrong... It's with my attitude. Why would I want to buy a fancy car, if I would have to be extremely patient with my extremely impatient boss everyday of my life, and cause myself unneeded stress which eventually makes me go on weekly drinking sprees with my "barkada" and smoke half-a-pack a day, and which would eventually kill me at a young age, and probably leave my future wife and kids behind with... well, not much; or probably, people will just say about me, "kawawa naman" ("Such a pity.")?
I could also... change my attitude towards my boss! Well, I could choose to accept the fact that my boss is like that. Maybe instead of being affected by his impatience, I could just be an example to him. I'll smile all the time while working! And maybe if he asks me to do overtime this weekend, I do have the option to tell him that I can't! Because it's not mandatory to do overtime! If he kicks me out because I refused to do weekend overtime, let it be!
Well, the things is, we have a lot of options! We always have a choice! Well, we can't control the consequences of that choice, but again, we can choose our attitude towards those consequences!
One time, when I was really feeling "challenged" in life, I went to the Blessed Sacrament at the UP Chapel to pray and to ask for comfort from God. And then this picture came into my mind: imagine Jesus having to accept that he was going to suffer and be killed, understanding that it was God's will. Though he suffered much, having to accept his purpose (the story of The Agony in the Garden), what did he turn out to be? Oh, he just rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father! But he's just quite the perfect example, isn't he? :-)
So... Basically, we could either choose to accept where we are, make the most out of it, and act enthusiastic and think positive all the time, or take the alternate highway with less humps and potholes. If things will go wrong, they will. But after all has been said and done, let us trust and have faith that God has a purpose for all this, and it is universally a good one.
Working so hard, giving 100% of your time and effort, sacrificing personal life but not getting appreciated to the point of feeling inexistent? Been there, done that! Getting a lot of backstabbing from the people you least expect to do that? Oh I've been there, and I've done that! From, even during my fragile, less-mature days while in high school and during college... to just last year, when things went one way when I was almost absolutely sure it would go another way.
Hey! Being depressed, or feeling "down na down", and very disappointed is not good for your health!
I've been there before... I myself have even considered suicide. Thank God, but somehow, I was brought up to have just a little more faith in my system that was enough to bring me here to where I am right now. But I am not yet complete when it comes to faith. There are still these things about me, things I do or think, that show that I myself have a lot to improve on. But, over the course of time, I have learned one important lesson.
To have more trust and faith in the LORD. After all, after a time of trials comes a time for joy.
To do that, we'll have to be ready for change! We've heard of the answer before: we can't change others, only ourselves.
We could change our attitude towards things and others, and that goes first. It doesn't seem easy, and it takes a lot of mental strength. [(Filipino) women are somehow better than most (Filipino) men!] So, while for you, it might be hard, for me and a lot of other people, men and even women alike, it will be much harder! It's not impossible... :-)
Also, it's always healthy to think and act positively! And it's always a good medicine for depression. It requires quite a lot of change in our systems. It's not easy! So we'll also need friends or our immediate community, who know and share the same goals, ideals, and principles as us, to support us and/or guide us!
And prayers---they are always good! You might be one of millions who offered your prayers and your big and simple sacrifices to Him through the feast of the Black Nazarene, held at Quiapo early this year. That's great! It's one step in the right direction! We can also talk to Him in the comfort of our own home, and in the comfort of our own time, like during lunch break, perhaps, or during our trip to the restroom...
So what if you are, like someone I know, "trapped" inside a job or place or environment from which you just can't grow, because there's no more space to grow (like you don't have time for other "healthier" things, and people around you most of the time are your greatest critics)? Get out of that trap! The universe is huge, there are many more places to go!
Yes, by now, you could probably predict what I'm about to say: I've been there, done that. How did I do it? Well, in simple terms, I thought that... If I'm in a situation that's really bad and yet somehow I needed to be there, could it become worse if I did something else? If I choose Option B instead of sticking to Option A, may be I wouldn't get the same things that I used to get out of Option A, but may be I would feel better and more productive if I choose Option B! I would have to change my attitude though, towards those things I needed that Option A provided. Maybe I didn't really need them at all. I mean, if my apartment rental costs me half my whole months' salary, maybe I didn't need to stay in that apartment!
What if Option B proves to be worse? There's still Option C! What if I've come to Option Z, and it still isn't what I wanted? Uh-oh, wait a minute, I know where things could have gone wrong... It's with my attitude. Why would I want to buy a fancy car, if I would have to be extremely patient with my extremely impatient boss everyday of my life, and cause myself unneeded stress which eventually makes me go on weekly drinking sprees with my "barkada" and smoke half-a-pack a day, and which would eventually kill me at a young age, and probably leave my future wife and kids behind with... well, not much; or probably, people will just say about me, "kawawa naman" ("Such a pity.")?
I could also... change my attitude towards my boss! Well, I could choose to accept the fact that my boss is like that. Maybe instead of being affected by his impatience, I could just be an example to him. I'll smile all the time while working! And maybe if he asks me to do overtime this weekend, I do have the option to tell him that I can't! Because it's not mandatory to do overtime! If he kicks me out because I refused to do weekend overtime, let it be!
Well, the things is, we have a lot of options! We always have a choice! Well, we can't control the consequences of that choice, but again, we can choose our attitude towards those consequences!
One time, when I was really feeling "challenged" in life, I went to the Blessed Sacrament at the UP Chapel to pray and to ask for comfort from God. And then this picture came into my mind: imagine Jesus having to accept that he was going to suffer and be killed, understanding that it was God's will. Though he suffered much, having to accept his purpose (the story of The Agony in the Garden), what did he turn out to be? Oh, he just rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father! But he's just quite the perfect example, isn't he? :-)
So... Basically, we could either choose to accept where we are, make the most out of it, and act enthusiastic and think positive all the time, or take the alternate highway with less humps and potholes. If things will go wrong, they will. But after all has been said and done, let us trust and have faith that God has a purpose for all this, and it is universally a good one.
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[Repeat] On being "mabait": Bo Sanchez' reply to an enduring wife
This is a repeated article originally posted on 1/14/04 on the prustrations blog. I do not necessarily have the same views, beliefs, and ideas from years back.
Do you think we should call the letter-writer (the wife) in this story, just being "mabait" to his husband? My answer is NO. Thus, I see being "mabait" more closely associated with being loving, or "mapagmahal", rather than with just simply being tolerant.
This is the January 6, 2004 issue of Kerygma Soulfood Bulletin, provided by Sheperd's Voice Communications, headed by Bo Sanchez (one of my favorite writers), and based in Metro Manila, Philippines. To subscribe to the bulletin, send an e-mail to soulfood@shepherdsvoice.com.ph.
--------- forwarded message starts here ---------
KERYGMA SOULFOOD
by Bo Sanchez
January 6, 2004
SHOULD I STICK IT OUT WITH MY HUSBAND WHO’S ON DRUGS?
Hi Bo,
I just read your last bulletin where you answered a wife's question. I have one of my own. I guess I would like to say that I really need guidance. I have two spiritual advisers, very close friends of mine, who belong to two different communities. When I told them about my marital problems, they both suggested that I stick it out with my husband. But I cannot hold on to this marriage forever.
My husband is a drug user. He and I have gotten into arguments about his habit, and it would sometimes turn into violent fights. He has violent tendencies, because he also gets into spats with his siblings. He also spanks or pinches our son very hard when the latter misbehaves. He has lost his job because he always seems to think that he is above the law (he was caught accepting bribes). Now, what he does all day is play with his PS2 games and expects me to wait on him hand and foot.
He earlier confessed to me that he was put into jail because of drug possession, and that he has since mended his ways, but I keep catching marijuana in his car.
I love him. I have prayed for him over and over again, but he is very easily swayed by his friends. I do not want to give up on him, but he seems unwilling to help himself.
Please pray for me and for my family.
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
Leave your husband. And don’t reunite with him until he goes into some counseling or rehab for his drug abuse and violent behavior. That’s the firm condition you’ll set.
Will leaving him make him change? There are no guarantees.
But the probability that he changes is much more if you leave him than if you stay with him. Why? Because when you stay with him, the message you’re giving him is this: "It’s okay for you to take drugs—anyway, you’ll still have a wife here beside you and life goes on normally." I don’t care how intense you nag him about his destructive habit, he won’t change. Because your actions are louder than your words.
But when you leave him, the message you give him is totally different. By leaving him, you’re telling him, "You’re destroying your life. Unless you change, you’ll lose everything. Even your family."
In other words, you need to allow a crisis to happen to his life.
By taking drugs, he’s causing the crisis—but until now, you’ve prevented it from happening.
Don’t prevent it.
Sometimes, the most loving thing to do for a loved one is to allow the bad consequences of their bad decisions to happen. So that they taste the bitter experience and learn—and mend their ways.
Let him feel what it means to lose everything, including family.
Again, I cannot give you guarantees for his change. It may be possible that for awhile, he may even become worse.
In the meantime, you live your life. Focus on the Lord, and let God build you up.
Explain to the kids that you’re doing this so that the family will be saved.
Call up our counseling center at Tel. 9950303 and our counselors will pray with you.
I remain your friend,
Bo Sanchez
--------- forwarded message ends here ---------
Do you think we should call the letter-writer (the wife) in this story, just being "mabait" to his husband? My answer is NO. Thus, I see being "mabait" more closely associated with being loving, or "mapagmahal", rather than with just simply being tolerant.
This is the January 6, 2004 issue of Kerygma Soulfood Bulletin, provided by Sheperd's Voice Communications, headed by Bo Sanchez (one of my favorite writers), and based in Metro Manila, Philippines. To subscribe to the bulletin, send an e-mail to soulfood@shepherdsvoice.com.ph.
--------- forwarded message starts here ---------
KERYGMA SOULFOOD
by Bo Sanchez
January 6, 2004
SHOULD I STICK IT OUT WITH MY HUSBAND WHO’S ON DRUGS?
Hi Bo,
I just read your last bulletin where you answered a wife's question. I have one of my own. I guess I would like to say that I really need guidance. I have two spiritual advisers, very close friends of mine, who belong to two different communities. When I told them about my marital problems, they both suggested that I stick it out with my husband. But I cannot hold on to this marriage forever.
My husband is a drug user. He and I have gotten into arguments about his habit, and it would sometimes turn into violent fights. He has violent tendencies, because he also gets into spats with his siblings. He also spanks or pinches our son very hard when the latter misbehaves. He has lost his job because he always seems to think that he is above the law (he was caught accepting bribes). Now, what he does all day is play with his PS2 games and expects me to wait on him hand and foot.
He earlier confessed to me that he was put into jail because of drug possession, and that he has since mended his ways, but I keep catching marijuana in his car.
I love him. I have prayed for him over and over again, but he is very easily swayed by his friends. I do not want to give up on him, but he seems unwilling to help himself.
Please pray for me and for my family.
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
Leave your husband. And don’t reunite with him until he goes into some counseling or rehab for his drug abuse and violent behavior. That’s the firm condition you’ll set.
Will leaving him make him change? There are no guarantees.
But the probability that he changes is much more if you leave him than if you stay with him. Why? Because when you stay with him, the message you’re giving him is this: "It’s okay for you to take drugs—anyway, you’ll still have a wife here beside you and life goes on normally." I don’t care how intense you nag him about his destructive habit, he won’t change. Because your actions are louder than your words.
But when you leave him, the message you give him is totally different. By leaving him, you’re telling him, "You’re destroying your life. Unless you change, you’ll lose everything. Even your family."
In other words, you need to allow a crisis to happen to his life.
By taking drugs, he’s causing the crisis—but until now, you’ve prevented it from happening.
Don’t prevent it.
Sometimes, the most loving thing to do for a loved one is to allow the bad consequences of their bad decisions to happen. So that they taste the bitter experience and learn—and mend their ways.
Let him feel what it means to lose everything, including family.
Again, I cannot give you guarantees for his change. It may be possible that for awhile, he may even become worse.
In the meantime, you live your life. Focus on the Lord, and let God build you up.
Explain to the kids that you’re doing this so that the family will be saved.
Call up our counseling center at Tel. 9950303 and our counselors will pray with you.
I remain your friend,
Bo Sanchez
--------- forwarded message ends here ---------
[FOG] SUDOKU
NOTES:
- If Sudoku doesn't load properly, please refresh this page (Press F5 or Ctrl+R).
- When you refresh this page, the Sudoku game also changes.
- Sorry, answers are not given. You'll have to figure it out yourself! But if you send me the puzzle, I can have it solved (and even checked if it has multiple solutions).
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