and said, 'Once again, the Earth has become
wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of
all flesh before me. Build me another Ark,
and save 2 of every living thing along
with a few good humans.'
He gave Noah the blueprints,saying, 'You have 6 months
to build the Ark, before I
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights.'
Six months passed. The Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
- and no Ark!
'Noah!' He roared , 'I'm about to start the
Rain! Where is the Ark ?'
'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but there have been difficulties. I
needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the Inspector about the
need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws
by building the Ark in my yard, and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development Appeals Board for a decision.
Then Hydro One demanded a bond be posted for the future
costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for
the Ark's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they
would hear none of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted leopard. I tried to
convince the environmentalists that I needed the
wood to save the leopards - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group of Maneka
Gandhi sued me. It insisted that I was confining wild animals
against their will. It argued the accommodation
was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals
in such a confined space.
Then the Ministry of the Environment ruled that I couldn't build
the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on
Your proposed Flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed
to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the Visa status
of most of the people who are hired for work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to
hire only union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, Revenue Collectorate seized all my
assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with
endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take me at least 10 more years
to sort thru all this bureaucratic red tape and rigmarole, and finish
the work on the Ark.'
Suddenly there was a huge clap of thunder, the Earth shook, but the
skies cleared, and the sun began to shine. A rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder
and asked, 'You mean Lord, you're not going
to destroy the world?'
'No,' said the Lord.
'Your Government beat me to it!'
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