"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards."It is said to be an antecedent to the Stanley Kubrick 1999 film, "Eyes Wide Shut," starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, which explores the hardships of keeping an ongoing relationship alive. [Source: Wikipedia] On a side note, it's funny that it stars now-divorced couple Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. Also, I've always associated Kubrick only with the sci-fi genre, and specifically, the "2001: A Space Odyssey" movie.
Anyway, this Benjamin Franklin quote probably best captures my own beliefs about marriage, and I would think, that of my real close friends', too.
Basically, before going into marriage, you should already know what you want in a partner and in a relationship with that partner. And you go around and look for that, no compromises. You should also know what it takes to be ready for marriage. Age does not signify readiness. Nor does income signify non-readiness.
And then when you get into marriage, know that it won't be perfect. And for the little things that you might not like or have difficulty with your partner, you should turn one blind eye. Of course, there are things you can do to influence your partner to right their wrongs (it is also important to know what is right and what is wrong - thus one eye remains open), but whether your partner will change is not up to you anymore.
You might also have your "eyes wide shut" - that is not right. You should be aware of the rights and wrongs of yourself and your partner, too. You have a responsibility to yourself and to your partner, too, of some sort, to make sure you both do the right things and avoid the wrongs.
But the most important thing is you chose wisely. You knew who was and still is right for you and you unmistakably chose that person. And that you likewise chose the right time to marry - i.e. the time when you were sure you were ready for it. That meant you likewise knew that you were and still are the right person for your partner. If you are not that right person for him/her, you should not have chosen to marry. And maybe you should not have chosen to even stay together and incite false hopes of marriage.
If you did not choose wisely, take responsibility. Don't harm others for your mistake. And by others, I mean anyone other than you - your partner, your children, your relatives, your friends, everyone else. Better yet, if you had not chosen wisely, look at it as a great opportunity for you to show a higher form of love by staying in that marriage, showing the same level of love to your children, and even to that dreaded person you call your husband/wife. Because if you can't stay in a marriage, you never loved at all. All that time you said "I love you" were all but broken promises. Because you weren't ready, and you never chose. You never loved.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
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