A reaction to a reaction on the recent shooting at an elementary school in the US

Last post, I talked about those shootings as well, stressing on the importance of parenting, and how people don't seem to see or how they seem to ignore how parenting played a role in that very, very unfortunate incident. It is a very difficult topic to discuss in one blog article. But I failed to mention one more thing that people don't seem to see or that they seem to deny as to what might also have caused that very sad incident: mental illness.

For that, I link to this article written by a mother who has had to deal with a son who has one, and has demonstrated violent tendencies of his own:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html

I agree to and (I believe) I perfectly understand everything she wrote. But I have one question though. There is no mention of the fathers. Where are the fathers?

I also thought that 13-year old could've been me -- relatively high IQ, loved math, "hating" my mother, thinking of suicide, no father figure at home. Well, except I didn't really have that high an IQ (maybe thanks to having a father who doesn't?) and I think most importantly, having loving aunts and uncles and going to Catholic school. I always think that latter, unbeknownst perhaps to my mom, is the single best thing that she did for me. She isn't a Catholic like I have become, and obviously I would rather she truly become one, but her insistence on us going to such a school despite not being able to afford it during that time -- I appreciate it all. It was the start of things for the person that I have now become.

It also struck me that Adam Lanza's older bro is fine. Between my younger brother and me, he was less psychologically challenged (although he did just slightly poorer in school than I did). So, I thought, what is it, really? Is it genetics as well? Is it because physiologically I'm more of my dad than my mom, and my younger brother more my mom and I was sort of channeling? Anyways, it was never diagnosed on me, but this is one of the reasons why I didn't hate on a few mentally ill persons at a time when almost everyone else did. I understood them. Because I could have been them. I guess seeing them and how people hated on them changed me, too. But I know that hate is the exact opposite of what these people need. Sometimes, though, it takes more than love from one person to give them what they really need. In the case of Adam and me, for example, I think having a single parent made it more difficult. All the choices we make, unbeknownst to us, are like little ripples on the ocean that could become tidal waves on the other side of the planet. Some people don't know it and don't know how to do so properly, but choosing the person we are to marry and making marriages and the ultra-important task of parenting have lasting impacts that we can never fathom until it actually hits us.

Also, I can only imagine how most people will react to a mother putting her son in a mental health institute. They would either say she's a bad mother for doing that, or laugh at her (or him) because she has (or he is) a mentally ill child.

Anyway, I also think people don't really realize how important a father's role and presence is. Freud said: "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." I also remember Bo Sanchez saying something about the need to raise better men in society, and how he's personally working to do that. Like, I think he has an all-boys program of some sort where he closely mentors the little guys.

I'm better now, yeah, and I still think it's all because I went to Catholic school. I denied Catholic teaching most of college, but then came a lot of heartache after heartache. And then somehow, I found myself in this Catholic lay organization called Singles for Christ (SFC). It should be obvious though that it wasn't an overnight change. I had heartache after heartache (and hurt others as well) even while a member of SFC. But SFC is where I first heard someone tell "the buck should stop with you" -- that I don't have to be like my parents. And yes, it was while at SFC that change started. But that's just my story. I guess it was also good to have far-from-perfect parents (or two perfect examples of persons you shouldn't become), and having enough of an open mind to see that. I'd say: God is good. Though he works in mysterious ways. But we should move forward. It's now our turn.

P.S. Just saw this on Facebook. This is not a sane reaction to an insane person: "Why kill kids? They were just babies! I hate him!! Pure evil. Sounds harsh but if he were still alive I would have absolutely no problem shooting him myself right in between the eyes!" I can understand the anger. And obviously, killing -- kids or adults -- is wrong. It is evil, sure. So do you kill the killers, too? Killing is not wrong if it's done against a killer? This is exactly the kind of thing that breeds killers: hate. If you like that, keep hating. If you want peace, love.